You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
