When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
