That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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