Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
