also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
