Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
