I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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