i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
