I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
