It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
