he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
