I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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