She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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