I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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