I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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