I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
