I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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