Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
