i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
