The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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