so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
