My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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