"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
