I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
