now i know why i became what i already was.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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