I met the friendliest cop last night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up under a house in Key West
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
