I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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