I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
