I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
