11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
