Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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