He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
