is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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