omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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