I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I cut my penus on the lid.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
