Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
