and you said cock pushups were impossible
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish my penis had a tongue
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
