dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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