Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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