I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
