then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
well, you know. whores of a feather.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
