You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
