I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
