We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
