do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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