I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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