I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
