I puked a lego.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
