You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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