no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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