he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
