3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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