sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
