Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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