And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
