UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
