I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
